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Original Entry Date: 06.18.03 A Week In Kourtnee’s World, Hurt Feelings, Broken Hearts, and Words of Wisdom
7-18-97, 5:02 PM
Kourtnee walked into my room. I was sobbing my head off. When I felt Kourtnee sit down on the bed, I put one of the pillows over my head. She touched my arm. I moved it away from her. I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to hear anything that she had to say. I wasn’t sure if she wanted me. I wasn’t sure if Colt wanted me. I was pretty sure that Martin didn’t care too much for me. I felt so alone and abandoned.
I was getting mad. The kind of mad where you feel your face is getting red, your blood pressure rising. The kind of mad that would make you do something foolish that you would end up regretting when everything was over.
Kourtnee was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand anything she was saying. The pillow and my rage were drowning out her words. The more she talked the worse I felt. I wanted to tell her to shut up. I was getting angrier. I felt my spirit praying for me. my flesh was not in any mood to pray. It wanted to act and act very horribly. My spirit kept praying for me. My flesh kept telling me to act horribly.
I heard Mrs. Jackson’s voice say, “Kourtnee, you have a phone call.”
My spirit began to rejoice because its prayer had been answered. My fleshed was displeased. Deep down, I was glad that the phone had rung.
I felt Kourtnee stand up. A few seconds later, I heard Mrs. Jackson say, “Sweetie, just tell God how you feel.” I heard the door close.