7/20/97, 12:02AM

I began thinking about Colt and Kourtnee's prior relationship. Mrs. Austin had told me not to, but I wanted to know. Were they happy? Were they in love? Why did they break-up? I had put both of them back in each other's lives. Was my being here, the divine hand of God?

I thought about asking Paula, but that wouldn't be fair either. Kourtnee had already probably told her not to say anything to me. Why did I want to know Kourtnee and Colt's history so bad? It was obvious that the two of them had feelings for each other. Why weren't they together? Having Colt as my father wouldn't be bad. Although I would have to share Kourtnee with him. Maybe Kourtnee dating someone wouldn't be all that good. I had just come into her life and I wasn't really ready to share her, in all honesty.

My thoughts were interrupted when Kourtnee bumped me with her elbow by accident. She looked at me and said excuse me. I just gave her a crazy smile. She frowned her face up as she looked at me. I leaned forward and looked at Colt. His eyes were closed. It looked like he was sleeping. I laughed. Kourtnee nudged Colt. He woke up abruptly and said amen very loudly. I started laughing. Ms. Austin shook her head. Kourtnee dropped her head and laughed. Mrs. Adams, who was sitting on the pew in front of us, turned around and scowled at Colt, Kourtnee, and me, all at once. Colt dropped his head in shame. Kourtnee quit laughing. I was still smiling. Mrs. Adams scowled at me again. I put my head down and kept laughing. The laughter bug had hit me and I couldn't stop laughing. Kourtnee leaned over and whispered into my ear, "Go outside until you stop laughing." I stood up and walked past the three people on the end of the pew.

I was standing outside in the vestibule. Kourtnee walked out of the sanctuary. I thought I was in trouble. Kourtnee grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the church building. When we got outside, Kourtnee started laughing. I looked at her and started laughing.

Kourtnee said, "Colt needs help. That boy always goes to sleep in church and when you wake him up he says something out loud. He needs to quit that." I looked at her and laughed. Kourtnee looked at me and asked, "Are you through laughing?" I looked at her and replied, "Yes, Mame." She said, "Come on so we can go back inside. We are going to have to sit at the back of the church. Mama will wring our necks if we walk back down to where we were. We are already probably gonna get fussed at for laughing." Kourtnee and I walked back into the sanctuary.

The pastor continued preaching as Kourtnee and I sat down on the 2nd to the last pew in the church. Kourtnee went back to listening to the preacher. I was still bored. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I had never acted like this before in church. I could usually pay attention and listen, but I was having a hard time today. I tried to focus and concentrate on what the pastor was saying. "Sometimes you have to praise God even when you don't feel like praising Him. When you feel like everything that is wrong with the world is your fault, that's when you praise God," the pastor said, admonishing the church.

I began thinking about asking Ms. Shields questions about Kourtnee and Colt. I wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not.

I must have drifted off to sleep or something because when I knew anything, Kourtnee was shaking me and telling me to come on. Church was over and we were getting ready to go to dinner.