June 24, 1997, 4:00 AM

I woke up. I laid n the bed and stared at the ceiling. I knew that it was the day of Mrs. Johnson's funeral. I turned over and tried to go back to sleep. I laid there for 5 minutes. I couldn't go back to sleep. I rolled out of the bed. I got on my knees and prayed. I can't say how long I prayed. I was awakened by Kourtnee. I had fallen asleep on my knees. She told me to get back in bed. I got back in the bed. Kourtnee sat on the edge of my bed. I put my head in her lap. She rubbed my back. I don't know if it was Kourtnee, an angel, or Mrs. Johnson herself singing to me, but I heard the most melodic voice I have ever heard sing me back to sleep. I don't know when Kourtnee left the room.

June 24, 1997, 9:21 AM

I woke up at 9:21 AM. I looked at the clock. I felt peace. I knew the schedule for the day. Kourtnee and I were supposed to go over to Mrs. Johnson's house at 12:00 PM. We were going to ride in the family car. I had everything that I was going to wear already set out. All I had to do was get dressed. I sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. I took a shower and put on a shirt that Mrs. Johnson had given me. She had gone to Hawaii one year for vacation. She brought me back a Hawaiian shirt. I put on a pair of black shorts. I went down stairs. I had to get something to eat.

When I reached the bottom of the steps, I had a surprise waiting for me. Bishop Adkins and his wife were sitting in the family room talking to Kourtnee. Bishop Adkins stood up when I walked into the room. I looked at him then at Sis. Adkins. He started talking to me. I have no idea what he said because I was looking at Kourtnee. She smiled at me. I focused back in on Bishop Adkins. He was talking about God, death, and how God never makes a mistake. I had been hearing the whole funeral speech for the past few days. I mumbled something. I excused myself and went into the kitchen. Mrs. Jackson was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. She was cooking pancakes, eggs, and bacon, all of my favorites. I took a long hard breath. When I exhaled, I had to run out of the kitchen. I ran into the master bathroom downstairs. I barely had time to get to the commode before I began vomiting. I heard Mrs. Jackson yell to Kourtnee to go check on me. A few seconds later, I heard Kourtnee ask me was I okay. I looked up at her. She got a washcloth out of the cabinet and wet it. Moments later, I heard Sis. Adkins voice. She asked Kourtnee if I was okay. I was praying that Sis. Adkins wouldn't come into the bathroom and see me hugging the toilet bowl. Who wants their new first lady to see them in that condition? Kourtnee told Sis. Adkins that I was ok. I smiled at Kourtnee. She looked worried. I put my head on the edge of the tub and told her to call Arlene. Arlene could explain what was wrong with me better than I could. Kourtnee left the bathroom and came back with the phone. She talked to Arlene for a few minutes then she handed the phone to me. Arlene talked to me for five or six minutes. Arlene couldn't calm me down this time. I think it was because she was as nervous as I was. I handed the phone to Kourtnee. She talked to Arlene, and then she hung up the phone. I started laughing. Kourtnee gave me a puzzled look and asked me why I was laughing. I told her, "I am laughing at you because you are sitting on the bathroom floor with me." She looked down at the floor. She jumped up and brushed herself off. I laughed so hard that I had to vomit again. I was laughing and heaving at the same time. She started laughing too after she said, "You are gonna make yourself sicker if you don't stop laughing."

I finally finished my episode. Kourtnee talked to me about what Arlene had told her. Whenever I had a big performance, recital, or event that I was nervous about, I would get sick. Arlene told her to calm me down and I would be all right. Kourtnee had to go tell Mrs. Jackson that I wasn't going to be able to eat the big breakfast that she had prepared for me. Mrs. Jackson didn't like that. She made some speech and me needing to eat a hearty breakfast or something like that. Bishop Adkins and Sis. Adkins prayed with Kourtnee and I before they left. I thought Bishop Adkins was going to call down fire from Heaven the way he was praying.

June 24, 1997, 11:10 AM

Kourtnee told me that I needed to be ready to leave the house at 11:00. I was frustrated with Kourtnee. It wasn't going to take an hour to get over to Mrs. Johnson's house. I didn't say anything. I was goofing around. Kourtnee yelled at me twice and told me to get dressed. At 11:15, Kourtnee crashed into my room. I was sitting on the edge of the bed putting my shoes on. She looked at me then at her watch. She asked, "What is taking you so long? I thought I told you that I wanted to leave at 11:00. What time is it now?" I looked at the clock, but I didn't say anything. She looked at me again and asked, "What is wrong with you?" I stared into space. She sat down on the bed and hugged me. I tried not to cry, but tears began to flow from my eyes. I didn't want to see Mrs. Johnson's dead body lying in a casket.

Traditions and Old Ways

I know why African-Americans view the bodies of their dead relatives and friends. It is a ritual that has outlasted slavery. In slavery days, when a run away slave was captured and killed, the other slaves on the plantation were made to march around the casket that held the dead body so that they would be scared into not running away. I went to a funeral with Mrs. Johnson and Arlene once. Arlene said, "Mama, that's a silly tradition. I don't see any reason to view the body. The person is gone. They don't even look like they looked when they were alive. What's the use?" Mrs. Johnson smiled and said, "Baby, that's just the way things are." I looked at Mrs. Johnson. I knew that she wasn't going to say anything about the matter, Mrs. Johnson always said, "We have traditions. They serve a purpose whether or not we understand it." I felt like Arlene, I didn't see the use of it.

Back to Reality

Kourtnee interrupted my thoughts. She asked me if I was ready to go. I told her that I could find my necklace that Colt had given me. She looked in my dresser drawers. She picked up something out of one of the drawers and looked at me. She showed me the box. It was the gift from Mrs. Johnson. I still hadn't opened it. Kourtnee asked me if I wanted her to open it. I told her no. She sat the box on my dresser and went back to looking for my necklace. It was lying in a candy dish on the dresser. Kourtnee put the necklace around my neck and fastened it. She asked if I had everything. I said I did. I grabbed my purse. We walked downstairs, got in the car, and left the house. That ride was the longest ride I have ever taken.

We arrived at Mrs. Johnson's house at 12:01 PM. I could tell that it was annoying Kourtnee that we were late. Arlene hugged Kourtnee and then she hugged me. Arlene hugged me so tight that she wrinkled my dress. Kourtnee looked at my dress and frowned. I shook my head and smiled. Most of Mrs. Johnson's family was at the house. There were people everywhere. There was food and flowers everywhere, too. I looked around the room to see who all was there. Little boys I had never seen in a suit had on suits today. Everyone was dressed in their best clothes. It was a sight to behold.

June 24, 1997, 12:30 PM

We began loading up the cars at 12:30 PM. Arlene made me stand next to her. Her husband, Kent, was on the opposite side of her. Kourtnee walked beside me and held my hand. We all got into the car along with several other family members. We drove to the church in silence. We arrived at the church at 1:01 PM. The ministers had just lined up. The family lined up behind the ministers. Before we began to walk into the church, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Colt. He hugged me and smiled at Kourtnee. Eld. Charles Tompkins began the processional.

When we reached the front of the church, it was 1:15 PM. The processional had taken almost 15 minutes. This was going to be a long service. Somehow Kourtnee, Colt, and I ended up on the front row. That is the worse place to be in a funeral. As people walk around viewing the body, people end up hugging the people on the front row. It can be a bit saddening. It also holds up the parting view processional.

After Eld. Marcus Deckard read Psalms 121:1-6 as the Old Testament scripture, I went to the choir room so that I could robe up and sing with the youth choir. Kourtnee walked with me to the choir room. I told her that she didn't have to, but she did anyway. She helped me put on my choir robe. She was getting on my nerves, but I appreciated all of the attention. After I had my robe on, I looked down at the word Director that laced the tassel hanging over my shoulder. I smiled as I thought, "This is the last time that I will be wearing my robe." I had worn this robe for the past year and a half. I was the youngest person to ever be the director of the youth choir. I became director at the age of 13. Arlene and Mrs. Johnson had a hand in my becoming a director. Arlene ranted and raved to Sis. Crawford that I was the best director ever. Mrs. Johnson talked to Sis. Crawford and asked her to give me a chance. Between Arlene and Mrs. Johnson, I was appointed as a director. My reflective thoughts back were interrupted when Kourtnee told me that we were about to walk in. I looked at her. She hugged me and held my hand as she walked with me out of the door. I think she wanted to go into the choir stand with me, but Sis. Crawford told her that she couldn't. Kourtnee finally let my hand go.

We were singing "Rejoice" first, so I was going to be directing first. I walked to the front of the choir stand. The rest of the choir walked into the choir stand. Shannon went to the organ. She began to play the introduction of "Rejoice." I took a deep breath and began directing the song. As we began to sing, the anointing took over. We were singing as if it was Sunday morning instead of a funeral. After the second verse of the song, the whole youth choir was smiling and cheerfully singing the song. I felt like my old self. I was directing as if I had lost my mind. I heard people in the sanctuary telling us to sing. I even heard someone yell, "You better direct, girl!" I felt it. The whole youth choir felt it. The whole church was up and rocking. We had it going on. When we got to the vamp of the song, it was on. Shannon was into it. She was bouncing on the organ. She had the organ talking. Carl was playing the drums as if he had lost his mind. I was jumping around on director's stand. It was an awesome experience. We were having church. Angela was giving her usual performance. She was dancing and singing at the same time. The rest of the choir had joined her. We were all REJOICING.

When we were finished singing, the whole church was rejoicing. Eld. Tompkins was supposed to get the mike, but Shannon began playing the shouting music and Bishop Handsome grabbed the microphone. He began exhorting the church to rejoice. The next things I knew, Arlene danced by me and most of the church had gone into praise. I looked up into the choir stand; most of the youth were dancing themselves. I was over in the musician's corner clapping my hands and bouncing up and down. All of a sudden, the music stopped. Shannon had jumped up off the organ and was running up and down the aisle. Min. Gregory Handsome, the minister of music for the church had to get on the organ. I had only seen Shannon do that one other time. It was during a Women's Day service. Mrs. Johnson had sung "Precious Lord" and Shannon had played for her. Shannon took off running that Sunday. I was still clapping my hands and bouncing up and down. I closed my eyes and began thinking about how good God was. I tried not to dance, but, I couldn't help myself, I went to dancing myself. I didn't normally dance, but the anointing took over. I had only shouted one other time. I had danced when I was five and I had just gotten saved. It wasn't unusual to see people dancing and shouting at a black Pentecostal funeral especially if the dead person was saved.

Everyone had finally stopped dancing. We all went back to our right places. I looked around the church as the various people read the resolutions. Half of the church was fanning. It wasn't hot in the church. The air conditioners at Harmon Street COGIC worked very well. In the summer time, you would see women in wool coats. It was funny looking at all the people fanning. I looked at Kourtnee, she smiled at me. Colt looked at me and laughed. I rolled my eyes at him. They were teasing me because I had danced all over the place. Shannon was sitting next to me. She asked me, "Who is that guy sitting next to Kourtnee?" I told her, "That's Colt, he's my god father." Shannon smiled back and said, "Girl, he is fine." I hit her on the leg and said, "You nasty." Kourtnee put her finger on her lips. We knew that we needed to be quiet.

After the resolutions, Eld. Tompkins announced that we were going to sing again. Shannon grabbed my hand and said, "This one is for Mother Johnson." I looked at her and smiled. I had a peace about me. I knew that I could sing this song and make it through the song. Daniel went to the choir director's stand and motioned for the choir to stand. He then motioned for Shannon to begin to play the song. The introduction to "Telephone in My Bosom" is long. The person who plays it on the CD is showing out that's why the intro takes so long. Shannon is no exception. She loves to play that song. She shows out too. While Shannon played the intro, I had time to look around the sanctuary. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Adams, Ms. Shields, Ms. Austin, people from the orphanage, and some of the kids from Day Camp. Paula was there, too. She was sitting next to Ms. Austin. Shannon had finally finished the introduction of the song and the choir began to sing. "No matter what's going on. No matter what seems so wrong. I always have a connection to the throne. I can call God up on the telephone in my bosom."

They sounded good. I was listening to the choir so intensely that I forgot to come in on time. Daniel whispered my name. Shannon played the introduction to the solo again. I began singing, "Sometimes it seems like I'm walking all alone. There are times when there's not anything wrong…" As I sung, I listened to myself sing. I sounded good. By the time we finished the song; the whole church was standing up and singing the song with us. It was a moment of exhilaration. It was as if we all understood at that moment why Mrs. Johnson loved the song. It was as if we were singing the song to Mother Johnson. The choir ended the song and exited the choir stand.

When I reached the choir room, Kourtnee met me there. Shannon was standing next to me. She whispered, "You're mama got a tight leash on you, don't she?" I rolled my eyes at Shannon, "Whatever. Don't hate me because I got love." Shannon nudged me with her elbow. She looked at me and started crying. I had never seen Shannon cry before. I grabbed her and hugged her. Kourtnee came over to both of us. I asked Shannon what was wrong. She began mumbling incoherently. Kourtnee grabbed her and told her to calm down. After a few minutes, Shannon was able to talk coherently. She was sad because I was leaving. She wasn't going to have me to run interference for her with Sis. Crawford anymore. I hadn't really thought about it either, but I was going to miss Shannon, too. We had a musical connection. Shannon knew what I was going to do before I did it and I knew what she was going to do before she did it. We worked well together. I started crying, too. Kourtnee pulled Shannon over towards me. Kourtnee had me on one arm and Shannon on the other. She let us both cry for a few moments. Shannon looked at Kourtnee and asked, "Can you adopt me too?" Kourtnee started laughing, "Girl, please. LaDawnya is a handful. I don't think I could handle two of you all." Shannon and I started laughing, too. Kourtnee escorted us out of the choir room. When we reached the sanctuary, the United Choir was singing DM Adkins and the DM Chorale's hit song, "His Name is Excellent." Kourtnee let Shannon set next to her. Shannon tried to sit next to Colt, but I sat down before she could. Kourtnee told her to sit on the other side. I don't think Kourtnee wanted both of us to sit next to each other.

I hadn't noticed it, but Bishop Adkins was sitting in the pulpit along with the other ministers. I asked Kourtnee when Bishop Adkins got here, she told me while we were up singing. He was sitting in the audience and Bishop Handsome had invited him to the pulpit.

Bishop Handsome began the eulogy. After exhorting the crowd, he talked about Mrs. Johnson. He talked about Mrs. Johnson for ten minutes. He mentioned all of her accomplishments, her life, her work ethic, and more. When he was finished, if you had never met Mrs. Johnson, you had an idea of who she was. Bishop Handsome began his sermon. His subject was "Heaven is a Beautiful Place, But You Have to make it in." He talked about Heaven, salvation, and how to be saved. He hooped, hummed, squalled, jumped, and hooped some more. He was preaching his heart out. The church was with him. People were saying yes Lord, preach sir, gone and say it, that's right, yes sir, go head then. It was awesome. I even heard Colt say Amen one time. I looked at him. He tapped me on my nose. Kourtnee nudged me and I began paying attention again. Bishop Handsome preached for 30 minutes. That was actually the shortest sermon I had ever heard him preach. After the sermon, he offered an altar call. Five people came to the altar and gave their lives to Christ.

Why Would You View the Body After A Powerful Word of God?

Bishop Handsome motioned for the funeral directors to take charge of the service. The funeral directors walked to the front of the church, opened the casket, and directed the ushers to escort the people around to view the body. My stomach sank. Letitia, one of Mrs. Johnson's daughters, began crying. Chester's wife Bo started crying. I looked at Arlene. She hadn't started crying. I knew I would be okay as long as Arlene didn't start to cry. I laid my head on Kourtnee's shoulder. Colt grabbed my hand. I kept taking steady breaths. I looked on the other side of Kourtnee; Shannon was lying on Kourtnee's other shoulder crying. I looked up, Sis. Davidson, Shannon's mother, was standing next to Shannon. She reached for Shannon and took her out of the sanctuary. As expected, everyone was hugging Arlene, Kent, Charlene, Jersey, and the rest of the family on the front row. I looked down at Arlene. She hadn't started crying. I was okay. It took forever for the non-family members to get through viewing the body.

Finally, the family began viewing the body. The family took up six pews. It would be awhile before it was our turn to view the body.

No one knows this, but Arlene didn't even want to have a parting view as part of the funeral. She and Chester, Mrs. Johnson oldest son, got into an argument about it. Kent finally ended the argument by saying that whoever wanted to view the body could. Whoever didn't want to view the body didn't have to view it.

It was finally time for our row to view the body. The first set of people went from the row. They viewed the body and sat down. The next three sets of people followed suit. I told Kourtnee that I didn't want to view the body. She said that I didn't have to. I thought that she was going to try to make me view the body, but she didn't. Kourtnee waved the funeral director off and he continued down the line. Arlene and Kent were next. Arlene did not make a move. Kent waved the funeral director off. The funeral director waited. Arlene didn't move. Kent asked the funeral director to move on. The funeral director went on. Neither Arlene nor I viewed Mrs. Johnson's dead body. Letitia and her husband, Darren, went to view the body. Letitia leaned over into the casket and kissed Mrs. Johnson. Darren held his wife and cried. Letitia laid on her mother's dead body and cried for a moment. As Letitia and Darren viewed the body, I saw Arlene mouth, "Goodbye Mama. I'm gonna miss you!" After Arlene did that, I slumped over into Kourtnee's lap and began sobbing.